Breaking Free: Navigating Parenthood as First-Generation Immigrants

Parenting is a journey filled with moments that can feel both instinctive and complex. As first-generation immigrants, we often draw on our own upbringing to guide us in raising our children. But is it enough to simply copy and paste our own experiences?

Some will answer, “Sure! I turned out OK, didn’t I?” And sure! Probably! You’re great!

But frankly, not only is each child unique, they are being raised in a completely different time, in a completely different context, and maybe even in a completely different place.

As immigrants, we have to be hyper-aware of how we continue to pass on our intergenerational upbringing - whether it be trauma or old-fashioned methods that aren’t nuanced enough for modern society. Because remember, our children are out there with their generation, growing up in all the circumstances that make up 2022 and beyond. You want them to be resourceful, successful, and happy. We cannot raise them to behave and obey at the expense of their self-esteem or self-confidence. Not sure if you’ve noticed - it’s a different world out there! Children are taught creative problem solving, how to advocate for themselves and others, how to express themselves, and well. If they cannot do this, they’re missing skills that are crucial to a happy and healthy adulthood.

We walk a tightrope of instilling certain values and customs in our children and making sure our preparations are relevant to their generation. We want to make sure our caretaking is mindful, not tied up in the old ways of threats and bribes: old-school behavioral management tools meant to keep kids obedient. Your child is surrounded by critical thinkers and inspired minds.

They won’t accept something just because we “said so.”

If they do, it’s because they’re fearful - another obsolete parenting technique that keeps children from learning how to communicate effectively. Children raised in fear of their caregivers are almost certain to become easily manipulated and intimidated adults.

And maybe we have to learn new ways of thinking right along with them. In fact, we definitely do. Because it would be weird if we ever stopped learning, right? There’s so much to know! We have to be observant of, attentive, and receptive to the culture they curate for themselves. We can be true to our beliefs and traditions while leaving room for theirs. That’s the beauty of a family: we grow and change together. We remind them where they come from and they take us to where they’re going, where the rest of the world is going. And we want to go there with them if only to offer our insights on what is good for them and what is not.

Culture is a living thing that grows and changes over time and place. You can reinvent it, you can keep some and throw some away, you can have some just for you. It is pliable and versatile, gradually adapting to new places and conditions, and people. So read the news, talk to other parents, download TikTok, do what you need to do to familiarize yourself well with the world your child is growing up in. It’ll serve as a good example for them to learn about the one you grew up in.

Thank you for reading!

CHILD IN MIND is YOUR bridge between early childhood education and your home. We have been in the childcare industry for 22 years and aim to grant you access to our extensive professional experience and understanding of this generation of children. Our mission is to create equity in family resources and support by helping brown and black families strengthen their parenting skills to give their kids the tools for happiness and success.